Monday, October 12, 2009

Operation Stoner SR-3: After Action Report

DATE: 12.14.2008
TIME: 0830 HRS

Capt Longbaugh and Commander Tackleberry's forces put up one hell of a fight. The local militia literally had an uphill battle, under the charismatic---yet often questionable---leadership of Warlord Artzkie. Our mission was simple: rid our land of the murderous invaders!

Our orders were to cut a path straight in-between the Marine and Army forces to observe. What began as a surveillance mission escalated into a gunfight with the Marine patrol. We managed to capture 2 of them, alive enough to deliver a message to their captain Longbaugh. He refused our peaceful offer to join forces and immediately we set out to take the hill. It was a grueling uphill battle with no end in sight. Our forces exposed a weakness in the Marine defenses by wounding their Captain, thus wreaking havoc on their already shaky morale. This allowed us to completely overwhelm and capture them.

Through highly secret rituals and terrifying ancient techniques, Warlord Artzkie won over Captain Longbaugh who pledged his loyalty to our cause. We were to join forces and hunt the US Army forces south of our position on Hamburger Hill. Up one bloody hill only to go back down and climb up another hill? I knew Artkzie was mad, but this was insanity! The bitter cold of the winter winds shattered against our mismatched, rag-tag, yet heavily armed militia squad. We had our command---up another hill it was.

Unwittingly, a forward patrol of US Army encountered our pointman, Vno. He attempted to negotiate a peaceful solution to the madness, but was gunned own in cold blood! My disillusionment with the cause quickly transformed into rage! I gathered up a wounded Pistolero, an enraged Warlord Artzkie and proceeded uphill, rifle blazing with red hot BB death! Along the way, we ran into Cook and Dagger, already with a good headstart uphill and hungry for vengeance against the treachery of Commander Tackleberry. They came for blood and nothing was stopping them.

Soon, the fighting ended when a beleaguered Commander Tackleberry was arrested and escorted by none other than Cook and Dagger. The day was ours. Soon after, we exfiled for some Pho. Mission Accomplished.

Operation Robin-Sage: After Action Report

DATE: 6.21. 2008
TIME: 2300 - 0800 (Sun)

As a member of the feared, respected, and not-so-enigmatic DFF, my role in Bravo team plain and simple---protect our base camp and patrol foreign invaders. Prior to the operation, I was telephoned by Warlord Artzkie urging me to come back into the mercenary life. I was at my desk job, analyzing the strengths and weaknesses of competitors from a computer. How I longed to do the same with my own eyes, ears, and warrior instincts. Who was I to refuse?

DFF Personnel

I left my mind numbing, spirit crushing desk job to take up arms once again. We inserted via makeshift armored vehicles and rapidly disembarked. Late into the night, we set up base camp, complete with cots, a makeshift generator, and a SAW nest. Lt. Hostile's Alpha team was sent out on patrol, while Lt. Gatling's Bravo team readied defensive positions back at base camp. Above the radio messages between Alpha team's Lt. and Warlord Artzkie, the sound of scavenging coyotes and forest nightlife echoed in the darkness. Visibility was limited to no more than 50 ft in every direction, with trees, undergrowth, and barricades silhouetting the soon-to-be battleground. Bloodshed was in the air.

After what seemed like hours passed, Warlord Artzkie signaled us to lock and load, readying ourselves to reinforce Alpha team, as they have encountered a unit of SOF near their first objective. At the same time, 2 members of Alpha team lost their bearings and went missing. We had lost radio contact with this father-and-son team. The suspense ensued into an unbearable urge to join our comrades and engage in glorious combat. I had my M4 rested against the inside wall of my bunker. I was ready to rock.

As I manned the SAW, I saw movement in the shadows in the distance and remembered my strict orders to verbally challenge ANYBODY. Though a non-native operative in DFF, I've operated with them long enough to issue a clear and concise verbal challenge to the would-be intruders. Silence. Again, I issued a challenge, only to be met with silence as the shadows approached closer and closer. I heard the order to open fire. Open fire I did. 2 KIA. A lump formed in my throat as I inspected the victims of my hot BB fire. It was our 2 lost Alpha team members---Recon and his son John. My bad.

Moments later, Alpha team radioed in and were returning to base camp. We held our fire as our buddies returned home. Now it was Bravo's turn to patrol. We headed out into the darkness of the wilderness, moving single file silently through the shadows. We were to harass any intruders we came across.

Minutes into our patrol, Alpha team's Lt. radioed in and reinforced us. We were informed that SOF Bravo team had gone rogue and now had 2 enemy units to encounter. With our combined strength, we continued through the forest, on alert for any enemy activity. Our pointman, armed with NVG was relieved by the Alpha Team Vno, who knew this patch of woods like the back of his hand. We had also agreed to use the same burst fire pattern, to distinguish friend from foe. I volunteered to perform rear security, sticking close to Alpha team's Blue-Six to help navigate the dense forest.

Blue-Six and I lost contact with our patrol in the forest as the sounds of enemy movement approached us. We dispersed into the shadows and took up defensive positions, each watching the other's back. We remained out of sight until the source of all the footsteps appeared in front of us. With my sights zeroed on the target, I issued the verbal challenge, only to be met with, "I'm the game moderator!"
It was none other than Lt.Col., making his way towards our base camp. We were not informed of his presence in the area. Blue-Six jumped on the radio to contact our patrol and to respond to our secret message with the same---a whistle. Blue-Six and I double-timed in the direction of our patrol and soon made contact with Lt. Hostile.

Before we could gain any sense of relief, heavy fire came from the direction of base camp. Warlord Artzkie radioed in, having all of us return to base. Apparently SOF's Alpha team had deciphered the code, allowing admittance into our base camp. They were unaware of SOF Bravo's rogue status. As the DFF had these foreign invaders perform silly, made-up cultural rituals to gain our trust, the strangest thing happened. A lone SOF Bravo team operative entered our basecamp, mish-mashing a string of code aloud. Our combined forces naturally took up arms on this intruder and Warlord Artzkie issued the orders to open fire. For a what seemed like ages, the next few minutes were Armageddon! A hail of BBs were exchanged from all sides: DFF, the now-friendly Alpha team, and the rogue Bravo team.

I hurried to the SAW position, joining a frantic SOF Alpha team operative I soon learned to be Victor. I hopped on the SAW and unleashed bursts of BBs into the darkness. Out of the shadows, a figure stood and ran in our direction. I issued the verbal challenge loudly twice. No response. I open fired. Victor went to examine the carnage. sh*t---iced an Alpha team member, uninformed of DFF's verbal challenge. Victor and I continued firing from our bunker, shooting at anything that moved. Shooting in any direction we did not hear our designated burst-pattern from.

Before the smoke could clear and allow our blood to cool off, Warlord Artzkie issued the order to cease fire. We gathered the dead and wounded. Lo and behold, we captured a surviving Bravo team operative. Immediately Warlord Artzkie had us search him and detain him. Here's where the interrogation began. To gain our trust, Warlord Artzie ordered SOF Alpha Team to secure the remnants of the rogue SOF Bravo team and return them to base camp for interrogation. As the friendly SOF team headed out, Warlord Artzkie did the unimaginable---he released the prisoner! How I longed to avenge my fallen battle brothers! Immediately after the prisoner made his way blindly through the forest, Lt. Hostile and Lt. Gatling were tasked with shadowing the prisoner.

In the distance, a firefight could be heard. SOF Alpha team has engaged SOF Bravo team. The rogue unit soon gave up arms and were led back to our base camp, unarmed, hungry, lost, and tired. We had SOF Alpha team search them one-by-one and escort them to our sacrificial grounds to await their fate. We prodded them, poked them, threw profanity and feces at them as SOF Alpha struggled to maintain humanity amongst our ranks. Warlord Artzkie had other plans for them. First, he questioned them as a unit to break them down. Afterwards, Headshot and I escorted each enlisted member of SOF Bravo into the woods, taunting and ridiculing our prisoners with offers of food and water.

Soon, he had interrogated their CO and XO individually for what seemed like days. As the sun rose in the distance, we knew it was time for the inevitable execution, DFF style. Hostile and I led our prisoners to the abandoned train tracks, where the rest of DFF formed a firing line. We removed their blind folds, gags, buttplugs, and bounds and forced them to run the gauntlet.

Operation Killer Verde

DATE: 10.18.2009
TIME: 0900-1300

In recent weeks, the situation at the US-Mexico border has become increasingly unstable. The notorious cartel known as Mi Vida Loca has lurked in the shadowy underbelly of the drug world until now. After the assassination of its rival leaders, the MVL has become the most ruthlessly powerful force to contend with. The border towns have been laid waste in a bloody and merciless war that's left the streets littered with shell casings and rotting corpses. Rumors are abound that experienced mercenaries of countless world conflicts are in the employ of the MVL.

Panicked, the Mexican president was pressured by the military to declare marshal law. This gave the Mexican military brass full authority over how to handle this new threat. In a perverted, almost sadistic fashion, the Mexican military forces have methodically harassed and razed villages suspected of collaborating with the MVL. This civil unrest and violence has caught the attention of watchful eyes of the US, who have already dispatched a company of soldiers along the border. Neither side of the fence wants to fire into the other side, lest they start an international incident.

Taking advantage of the situation, the MVL deploys anti-government tactics throughout the rural countryside. This hearts and minds campaign has rallied a sizeable resistance force sympathetic to the MVL cause.


Translated from the spray-painted scrawlings of a Mi Vida Loca cartel soldier along the walls of an abandoned water tower:

What started out as a relaxing Sunday morning after an all-night fiesta with the heinas calientes, quickly turned into a hellish firefight on two fronts! The jefe, Senor Juan Valdez, had me rough up a captured Federal soldier caught stealing some of our cash crops near the old water tower. He needed to be taught a lesson. After giving the pig soldier my infamous backhand across the face, I received another call from Juan Valdez over the radio. ANDALE! ANDALE! The National Defense Army was out for blood! Juan Valdez is not one to back down from a fight, so he rounded up the muchachos and headed straight for them!

With our forces divided, there was no way we could allow our merchandise to fall into enemy hands. I had no choice but to package all of ripe merchandise and distribute them amongst the hombres. Lo siento, Amatsu, but you're going to have to lug this package with you. Anxious for a fight like an eager chihuahua, he was quick to comply. As we were packing up and ready to burn our crops, the muchachos shot at gringos. Gringos in my fields? Pinche bendejos!

Onikage was the first to make contact, nearly stepping over a gringo soldier as he was investigating our crops. The rest of the boys opened fire on the gringos, letting all hell break loose. The diablo himself would have sh*t his pantolones! No way will the MVL give up our precious crops without a fight! It was funny to some of the new peasant recruits in action. Armed with second-hand Vietnam-era M16s and hunting rifles, these farmers pushed back the US Army! Dios mio! One MVL soldier, armed rocket launcher, wiped out an entire squad of US soldiers hidden behind a row of trees. Not a bad shot at all!

Amidst all the excitement and cheering, some of the muchachos got distracted. One highly trained gringo soldier was able to mow down several over-enthusiastic MVL members. Idiotas! The former kickboxing champion Sufirumi, known for his shins of steel, ran to their aid. One by one, he carried them off to safety as they screamed for their madres. Maricons! MVL don't have madres! The closest thing they had to a madre was McFleri, yelling out orders to fight back! We couldn't afford to let the gringos take our water tower, as it was a key strategic point in our operations.

After hours of fighting in the blazing sun, we got lazy, so we cut a deal with the gringos. They want our drugs. We want the Federal army off our azz. Done deal! Not a bad deal at all, eh? Besides, I was still hungover from the night before and didn't feel like shooting Federali pigs! So I setup my hamock and looked down into the valley as the combined forces of the MVL charged head-on with the National Defense Army. They were fucked. One by one, I could see those pinche cowards surrendering in the distance. It was a very proud day for Mi Vida Loca. Kojak, Sufirumi, and I celebrated by firing his fancy gas-powered M4. Kojak was kind enough to share water with all the young recruits on both the gringo side as well as the MVL side. Muchas gracios, amigo!

Aye caramba, today was a blast! Gracias to todo mis amigos in IPA for making this possible. Action packed airsoft isn't the same without everyone involved. I give it up to CAG, CROW, L4D, MZDS, FSU, and everyone who participated in this firme event. Buena suerte and valla con dios, boys!

Agente out.